Apartment By Teddy Wayne

 

Apartment

By Teddy Wayne

In Apartment, an unnamed narrator who is in an MFA writing program at Columbia University paid for by his father, struggles to connect with his classmates who tear apart his stories. Billy, a young man in his class, is the only person who champions the narrator's work, speaking up for him. The narrator, grateful for the positive feedback, befriends Billy, hanging out with him at the bar he tends. The two find an easy friendship, and it becomes obvious that the narrator begins to idolize Billy.

When the narrator finds that Billy, who is from the Midwest and does not have a lot of money living in New York City, is sleeping in a backroom at the bar he asks Billy to move in to his apartment with him. He is illegally subletting his great-aunt's apartment, with an opportunity to eventually become the lease holder of it. The two men create an agreement for Billy to cook and clean periodically in order to earn his keep, at Billy's suggestion.

After Billy moves in the two become the best of friends, hanging out, going out, critiquing each other's work, and visiting each other's hometowns. Throughout the story the narrator increasingly becomes interested in Billy's body, which he catches glimpses of and remarks on. It seems he is having a sexual awakening. The two pick up girls together, but the narrator is unsuccessful at closing the deal with them. During one episode, Billy gets freaked out when the narrator "accidentally" touches him. After that, their relationship changes. Also, throughout the story the narrator's work continues to be spurned by the class, while Billy receives high praise. The narrator eventually gets something published in a literary magazine, but it outshone by one of his classmates who gets a published in the New Yorker. There is a jealousy brewing inside the narrator.

During a fit of jealousy at Billy's prospects at a scholarship, which would likely lead ot him moving out of the apartment, the narrator sabotages Billy's work. But it doesn't work out the way he thinks, and Billy figures out what he did, leading to a final break in their relationship.

This book was so good. I was fully invested in this story. The sexual tension is there, but woven so deftly throughout that it is just an undercurrent to the build up of jealousy the narrator feels toward Billy. I was rooting for the narrator until the end of the book, where we learn what kind of a person he is. He is so unable to accept himself and to give of himself fully that his downfall seems inevitable. This is a great meditation on hiding, not being willing or able to open up to others, and the pain and disaster that results from coveting the lives and characters of others. It is also a meditation on masculinity, what it means to be "one of the boys," as well as a discussion on class privilege and how money can be used to manipulate relationships. Billy feels out of his depth in New York City, poor and with a modest background, while the narrator is educated and worldly, but lacks the talent Billy possesses and is required to make it as a writer. The atmosphere is decidedly homophobic, set in 1996 and 1997 with an all-white cast.

Apartment had me gripped and it was heart-rending when the narrator admits to his loneliness and his need for Billy, who I think is just the crushing of a first true love feeling that is not reciprocated. This is a 5-star book with excellent character development, tight writing, and an emotional resonance. The plot and pacing were exact, with nothing of excess added. I could fully relate to the loneliness that closing oneself off out of fear of showing your truths can bring. I'd be interested in more by Teddy Wayne.